Return to Music

It seems that when I return to teaching, I end up returning to music. When I taught meditation in Wilmington, NC, I also started practicing music. That was a long time ago! I’ve messed around with music since then, but definitely not consistently. What the hell have I been doing since then? Well, I traveled, took more spiritual trainings, got married, worked on film and writing, failed a lot and managed to build a small business and sell it.

Here I am years later, starting a new business that involves teaching and I am already feeling the urge to sing. I have a huge passion for singing, but the funny thing is, I’m not very good. Drums is what comes natural for me. I love the drums, but I not only want to sing, I HAVE to. I can’t explain it.

I honestly put music out of my head. I thought, well, if it returns to my life, great and if not, no problem. I was focused on writing, film and business. I love all of those things, I really do, but they are not music. You see, performing music in front of others would be the pinnacle for me. Life couldn’t get better than that. Just the thought of visualizing being on stage gives me a rush. Music is my greatest passion, but it is also my greatest fear. I think that is the reason I have to return to it. Sure, I have other talents and the passion for them, but I think it is very important to come face to face with your greatest fear. Music is it. It is the ultimate form of expression for me.

I’m not someone who can just do one thing in life. I love too much to just do one thing, but I feel it is time to bring music back and make it a priority. I have gone way too long not working on music. It makes me sad, it really does. I’ve never been one to just not pursue any of my dreams. That is just not me, but I think that I gave up music and thought it would be okay to just pursue one or a few of my smaller dreams. I’m not okay with this. I’m upset with nobody but myself. The only person I can blame is me. I shifted my focus to other things in life. I’ve become a better digital video editor and I think that will come in handy at some point, but it’s time to return to music. I’m ready to climb the biggest mountain of my life. I don’t care what it takes, I’m getting up this mother fucker. I’m thirty-three. If you haven’t made it by now as an artist, you are suppose to just move on in life. I don’t subscribe to that. What I do know is that, I have to make it a commitment to practice. I already know how to write. I’ve been doing it for years, but singing will take time and I’m okay with that.

I’m feeling a lot right now. I’m angry, I’m sad and I’m incredibly happy. It seems as though you can’t run from your greatest dream. It will haunt you like an obsessed ex girlfriend screaming at you saying, “we belong together!” Well it is time we reunite. Music that is…

What is your greatest dream? How have you struggled with pursuing it?

Find Your Freedom,

7.13.18 | IL


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